So after finally getting the right one, and painstakingly scraping the GLUED ON gasket off the POS stamped tin valve cover, and wishing every moment for a 1.6L with it's proper perimeter studs, and an ABA rubber gasket, I finally got it clean and put a so, so light skim of silicone on the valve cover only and let it cure up. Reassembled, with new grommets and crap on the center bolts, and it still leaks in the drivers rear. I haven't had a VW diesel leak since I started using rubber ABA gaskets, I've probly put on thirty of them over the years.
I don't believe the thing is warped, since it only has three damn bolts, and I barely snugged them with a 1/4 inch ratchet initially, and after seeing the leak I checked and they went about 1/8th turn before they bottomed out. So I guess I pull it and RTV the stupid thing on, eh?
Leaks, especially recurrent leaks, really, really, really tick me off.